You have disturbed my digestion.

Just finished a book called Hacking Harvard by Robin Wasserman. It was an entertaining read, but I didn’t think it was that good. The only reason I mention this book is because it talks about an aspect of American teenage life that I never experienced:  applying to college. At least, my experience of it was one of resigned fate.

I went to private school, which my parents paid for until elementary school. My grandmother paid for my middle school when things changed economically in my house, and when she died, my mom swallowed her pride and asked for a scholarship for me. Dad had disappeared, and she was working full time for minimum wage. I have no idea how we didn’t lose the house.

My dream was to go to NYU. They would send me brochures and course catalogs of their film program, and I would drool all over them. My second choice was UCLA, and for some reason I can’t remember anymore, Boston University. I really wanted to study in the states, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I had good grades, but I suspected I wasn’t smart enough for a full scholarship. I wasn’t a leader at anything. My extracurricular activities were reduced to Forensics Club and handbells. I hadn’t volunteered at anything since my Girl Scouts troop disbanded in the 8th grade. I tried to join a badminton team, but was unable to pay the $40 monthly fee.

Back then, colleges in the states were around $18-25k a year. There were cheaper state colleges, but obviously the residency discount would not apply to me. Bankrolling my entire college education on student loans seemed stupid to me. It still does. There’s no guarantee of a job once you graduate, and I was terrified of having this massive debt follow me around for the rest of my life. Oh, and NOT going to college was never an option for me. I wanted to go straight to Ph.D. It was very clear to me that I had one choice for higher education: the University of Puerto Rico.

Knowing this, I still decided to take the SAT in a last effort to not give up on my dream. Maybe I would do so wonderfully that all the colleges would be begging me to become their student. Sadly, it was not to be. I did very well on the PSAT, but I got the SAT exam booklet and had to control myself not to burst out laughing. The questions were ridiculous, and had to have been written by the mentally insane. I didn’t study for it, which has always been my attitude towards standardized tests, but that’s a whole other story. Has the SAT changed since 1996? Is it still bonkers? I scored 1050. Pitiful, I decided. So I decided to save myself time, money, and stress, and did not apply to any college in the United States.

I put all of my eggs in one basket, and applied to the University of Puerto Rico system. I was completely demoralized and unsure about my intelligence to apply to colleges in the United States, but had enough arrogance and disdain to know that I would have no trouble getting into the UPR. I had good grades and excellent College Board scores, so I filled out the two-page long application. There was no essay to write. I think you had to write maybe a paragraph on why you wanted to go to UPR. You could enter three choices in the system. My first choice was the Public Communication program at UPR - Río Piedras campus. Second choice was French at the Mayagüez campus, and I don’t even remember what my third choice was. I had no intention of studying French, but I couldn’t put all of my choices in the same campus, and that was the only thing I could probably study in Mayagüez, a campus oriented towards engineering and science.

I didn’t apply to any other university in Puerto Rico because I knew I couldn’t afford any of the private ones. We had no money. My brother was studying in the Cayey campus and mom could only give him $25 a week for food. In 1997, a course credit at the UPR was $30-$35. I filled out the FAFSA, got approved, and my tuition was covered 100%. I even got a monthly check from what was leftover which I used to pay my health insurance. I worked as a beeper operator and as a projectionist in a movie theater. I lived with my mom and commuted to school. My mom always reminded me that I was not going to school for free. Her taxes were getting me through school.

Some of my friends took out student loans to buy cars or go on trips. My friend Marietta took out a $2k loan to go on a tour of the Scandinavian countries. I was tempted, but I was also a witness of the stress my mom was going through paying all the loans my father left us when he disappeared. To this day, taking out a loan scares the hell out of me. I took one out in 2003 to buy a used car, and my hands were trembling as I signed the paperwork. I’ve paid that off, but my credit became ruined through the use of credit cards.

I am absurdly fortunate. I have a college degree and I did it without student loans, something that seems impossible now that I live in the states. Not only that, I have a degree from a renowned university! Renowned in other areas from the one I studied, but renowned nonetheless! Soon I plan to apply for graduate school, and I am terrified. I still have no money, so how am I supposed to do this?

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